she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im six kinds of drunk right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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