I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.