The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.