No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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