Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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  (301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work http://tfl.nu/tw6r
  Replies (10) Good night (812) Bad night (2356)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself

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  (907): I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself http://tfl.nu/s5eu
  Replies (11) Good night (3075) Bad night (599)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

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  (434): Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood. (951): sound pretty economical http://tfl.nu/xtyc
  Replies (11) Good night (3104) Bad night (623)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.

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  (352): I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself. (352): Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad. http://tfl.nu/hkrc
  Replies (41) Good night (1667) Bad night (4144)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.

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  (405): It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother. http://tfl.nu/gdyr
  Replies (42) Good night (1112) Bad night (2693)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

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  (251): As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/zyub
  Replies (33) Good night (10523) Bad night (1429)
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  (310): View more from California

  Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.

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  (310): Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention. http://tfl.nu/i2tc
  Replies (17) Good night (2814) Bad night (4472)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.

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  (913): you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro. http://tfl.nu/rmdo
  Replies (5) Good night (4637) Bad night (828)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.

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  (832): Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room. http://tfl.nu/mk1e
  Replies (7) Good night (2677) Bad night (804)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?

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  (361): Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/ihmp
  Replies (5) Good night (2061) Bad night (944)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.

  (1-563): View more from Iowa

  I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.

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  (563): My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow. (1-563): I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning. http://tfl.nu/zocz
  Replies (9) Good night (1749) Bad night (540)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!

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  (727): I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that! http://tfl.nu/zrpi
  Replies (2) Good night (1021) Bad night (651)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay

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  (613): i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay http://tfl.nu/bes3
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (344)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.

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  (603): Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/ouph
  Replies (3) Good night (281) Bad night (612)
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  (315): View more from New York

  you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain

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  (315): you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain http://tfl.nu/5jnk
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (276)

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