so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours