Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(

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  (267): Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:( http://tfl.nu/yddk
  Replies (3) Good night (1108) Bad night (2788)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.

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  (248): ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores. http://tfl.nu/e4hq
  Replies (19) Good night (5140) Bad night (774)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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  (206): i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to. http://tfl.nu/oxy7
  Replies (3) Good night (3148) Bad night (608)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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  (917): She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat. http://tfl.nu/3q22
  Replies (19) Good night (859) Bad night (4370)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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  (214): I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off. http://tfl.nu/qpy6
  Replies (38) Good night (646) Bad night (4386)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's a mixed blessing.

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  (919): Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day. (1-919): I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover. (919): It's a mixed blessing. http://tfl.nu/jmyr
  Replies (10) Good night (1689) Bad night (537)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.

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  (304): I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years. http://tfl.nu/ac3y
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (376)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over

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  (610): first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over http://tfl.nu/fqcy
  Replies (2) Good night (778) Bad night (465)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am

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  (506): Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am http://tfl.nu/i89z
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (411)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever

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  (503): Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever http://tfl.nu/zn2u
  Replies (15) Good night (451) Bad night (1226)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices

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  (306): yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices http://tfl.nu/7tdp
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (344)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.

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  (416): In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/a66n
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (286)
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  (661): View more from California

  Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?

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  (661): Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children? http://tfl.nu/zcc5
  Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (459)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS

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  (406): He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS http://tfl.nu/5da3
  Replies (1) Good night (721) Bad night (186)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.

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  (301): You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins. http://tfl.nu/7khe
  Replies (4) Good night (200) Bad night (650)

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