for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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