He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
