She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize