i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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