My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
