Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize