Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
