I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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