im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
