mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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