how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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