this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
