Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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