I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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