when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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