I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
