the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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