Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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