I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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