Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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