I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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