your thong is hanging out like whoa
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
