FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
