Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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