What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize