i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
