I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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