I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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