sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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