I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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