I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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