i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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