It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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