your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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