Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?