I cockslap morals
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city