i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.