please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon