Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
