Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
