i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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