erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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