i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He felt like a one man threesome
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
