He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
