it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
