You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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