so let's talk penis.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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