His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
