she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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