i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
