I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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