When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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